8 comments (Add your own)

1. Dylan wrote:

Paul Bunyan is like an 800 lb Lumberjack.

But Don Wilson invented being manly and beef jerky

May 13, 2008 @ 8:09 PM

2. Dennis wrote:

Don Wilson was the light heavy weight kickboxing champ and his only draw was with the heavy weight champ Dennis Alexio so Don Wilson would win easily.

May 14, 2008 @ 7:40 PM

3. DSJ wrote:

mmmmmmmmmm beef jerky

May 14, 2008 @ 7:46 PM

4. tron wrote:

paul bunyan can eat a stack of flapjacks 10 stories high.... although don wilson can shit out a stack of flapjacks 10 stories high with aunt jemmima already double dippin the maple funk

May 15, 2008 @ 8:16 AM

5. litclicker wrote:

A Chapter in Don Wilson's Book
Don Wilson woke up one morning cuddled up with his dog Hongo, in South America after a 467 day drinking binge. He unzipped his pants and urinated what is known as the Nile River. He looked at his watch and realized Jeopardy was starting in thirty minutes so he started walking to Hong Kong to watch it on the largest TV on earth. He had a hang over that rivaled that of Bruce Willis's in Die Hard with a Vengeance and a man came up to him and said, "By God, Your Don Wilson, the man who slept with my wife and impregnated her with triplets." Don had a killer headache so he flicked the man to India and continued to sing Kenny Roger's The Gambler to himself,
"You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you..re sittin at the table.
There..ll be time enough for countin when the dealings done."
What he didn't know was that the man he flicked was none other than Colt McCoy, the quarterback for the Texas Longhorns and he wanted to kill him for unknowingly having an affair with his mother and both his Aunt's and illegitimately fathering him and all his cousins.
Half way to Hong Kong Don figured he should mow the grass west of the Mississippi River, which was urinated after a shorter drinking binge by his dog Hongo. Since he had been drinking for almost a year and a half straight it just seemed like good measure. So grabbed the speakers from a local concert and popped them in his ears. He hopped on his riding mower with the two push mowers duct taped to the sides and pushed play on his phonograph he kept in his pocket. He listened to Led Zeppelin IV on fast-forward as he mowed half of America in seventeen minutes. Then in a double whammy, he leaned over and farted the Grand Canyon, which would be marveled for centuries, but when he did his lawnmower blade struck the earth and created the Mohave Desert. He thought to himself, well you win some you lose some. So he got on his way to catch double Jeopardy.
Just as he was about to swim the Pacific Ocean he was encountered by the man he flicked to India earlier, Colt McCoy. He was pretty manly himself being a direct descendant of Don Wilson himself, and being second cousins with Mike Ditka. Colt walked up holding Don's dog Hongo. Colt said, "hey I found this little guy by the penny arcade" Then he pulled out a Rambo knife and slowly stuck it into Hongo's face as he let out a dieing yelp. Don's eyes opened wide to the size of planets. Just as he was about to masticate Colt McCoy's torso with a scissor kick, Mack Brown pulled up in a Mitsubishi Eclipse, Colt hopped in and they quickly drove away.
Normally he would have chased them down since he is faster than a barefoot ostrich, but he was so stricken with grief from the loss of his best friend, that he could not move. He retired to Norman to have a meeting with Bob Stoops over a couple hundred beers. Later that night at the Double Tree in his hotel room, Don shed a single tear for the loss of his friend, which he caught in a trash bag and stuck in his left pocket since he immediately knew that it would cure AIDS.
At the Texas State fair before the OU Texas game, he looked over and saw his illegitimate son . . Colt McCoy. He took three long last pulls from Gallon of whiskey to finish the bottle and he slowly paced over to him. Don looked him square in the eye and said, "Son . . . Let's let by gones be by gones" Then he stuck out his hand for Colt to shake. Colt looked at him for what seemed like an eternity in Don's seemingly softened heart. Then as Colt was overstricken by love for his illegitimate father, he slowly stuck his hand out to shake. Don squinted like Clint Eastwood as he held his look square in the eye and squeezed his hand until he heard what sounded like a glass bottle in a trash compactor. Colt squirmed and squealed like a piglet, trying to get away. Don just stared him in the eye until he began to sob like a little girl with skinned knee, and beg for his life. When Colt pulled his shameful eyes from the floor to meet Don's they locked eye contact for only a moment. Then Don belched the flesh off of Colt McCoy..s bones and it landed in a tea pitcher behind him. Don then pulled a glacier out of his pocket and crushed into a glass to enjoy a nice bourbon and the person who killed his dog..s blood on the rocks as he watched the sunset. He used the rest of the blood to dye the Sooner..s football jerseys red right before they proceeded to beat Texas by the most outlandish margin in football history. Then he pulled the cure for AIDS out of his other pocket threw it to a scientist. He used the money he got curing AIDS to barbeque and drink whiskey with his friends every night for the rest of his life and started the Don Wilson BBQ leftover foundation, which cured world hunger. So he sits with this on his conscious every night as he drinks, watches the sunset and sings to himself,
"You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you..re sittin at the table.
There..ll be time enough for countin when the dealins done."

May 22, 2008 @ 4:19 AM

6. Sean Earl wrote:

Don wilson would put Paul in his penis hole for weeks before letting him out and scalping him with a spork.

June 12, 2008 @ 12:33 AM

7. flempit wrote:

Don Wilson is a skinny asian guy

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0933310/

June 13, 2008 @ 10:55 AM

8. JennyEllis wrote:

Awww...the legendary Don Wilson...

August 6, 2008 @ 3:47 PM

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